The Way is in the Heart
by inthedreamatorium
Summary: For a long time, Kurt only imagined himself with one person: Blaine. But what happens when things with Adam start to heat up? How does Kurt deal with that pesky heart of his that refuses to let go of Blaine?


Title: The Way is in the Heart

Rating: PG-13

Summary: For a long time, Kurt only imagined himself with one person: Blaine. But what happens when things with Adam start to heat up? How does Kurt deal with that pesky heart of his that refuses to let go of Blaine?

Words: 2015

* * *

Kurt really liked Adam's lips. They were thinner than Blaine's, and felt silky smooth against his own. Adam typically let Kurt take control of their kisses, which he appreciated. It was still a bit strange to be kissing lips that didn't belong to Blaine. In the beginning, he had felt a twinge of guilt, like he was betraying Blaine somehow. He knew it didn't make any sense. Hell, Blaine had _slept_ with somebody else! But Blaine was the only boy Kurt had ever kissed and he had always thought his would be the only lips he'd kiss.

The make-outs were new to their relationship. Their first kiss didn't happen for several weeks, and even then, it was really only by accident that it even happened. Adam had leaned in to kiss Kurt's cheek and Kurt, not realizing what was happening, had turned his head and ended up with Adam's lips on his own. Well, technically Adam's lips hit the corner of Kurt's mouth, but it was still a kiss. Their first _real_ kiss had happened the next night.

"I had a great time tonight," Adam said sweetly and softly as he walked Kurt to the subway station.

"I did too," Kurt murmured.

Adam had been volunteering at a local high school for the past couple of months, helping a group of kids put on a production of The Wiz. It was opening night and he had asked Kurt to accompany him. He had agreed, as he had a soft spot in his heart for high school dramas, and was pleasantly surprised by how talented the cast was. Adam had done a superb job directing them and not for the first time, Kurt had a front seat view of Adam's talent.

Adam had leaned in, hesitating as if to gauge Kurt's reaction, and when he realized Kurt wasn't turning away, continued until their lips met. It was a soft and gentle kiss, and Kurt found himself kissing back. It was fairly chaste on the scale of kisses, but it was still quite pleasant to him.

After that night, they started to kiss more and more, and it wasn't unusual for their nights to end with some mild making out. Kurt was used to quick make-outs in the backseat of either his or Blaine's car, but they didn't have that here in New York. Instead, he and Adam would make out in the back of a cab, or in the corner booth at Callbacks, and even one time, they were caught backstage before an Adam's Apples rehearsal. When the loft was empty (which was rare), they would find themselves on the couch, Adam on his back with Kurt on top of him. Their hands stayed north of the equator; Kurt wasn't quite ready for them to have the visas to explore the southern region.

Kurt told Blaine about Adam. He told him about their first kiss and alluded to the idea that more things were happening. Blaine never asked for specific details and Kurt never offered. Blaine seemed to be relatively okay with his relationship with Adam. There were times when he seemed to get a little jealous (especially when they saw The Lion King, which Blaine had mentioned on more than one occasion he wanted to see with Kurt). Whenever that bit of jealously came out, Kurt was secretly pleased. And yes, his heart tended to skip a few beats.

After a couple of months of PG-rated making out, Kurt could tell that Adam was itching to do more. His hands would linger on Kurt's waist, a couple of fingers would creep up under the hem of his shirt, and he was more vocal with his...well...noises. It's not that Kurt didn't want to do more with him, he just didn't know if he could.

One random Saturday night, Adam had come over to an empty loft. They decided on Chinese and put in _Casablanca_, which Adam had never seen. (Blasphemy, if you ask Kurt.) He was enjoying the night for the most part. Every now and then, his memory faded to the nights he and Blaine would watch this movie. It was one of Blaine's favorite movies and Kurt always got a kick watching Blaine mouth along with the movie, giggling at his blatant crush on Rick Blaine. _"Kurt, if I married Rick, I'd be 'Blaine Blaine!'" _Whenever Kurt's mind drifted to Blaine, he would mentally shake his head at himself, pulling himself back into the moment with Adam, who's head was resting on Kurt's shoulder. It wasn't fair to Adam that he was thinking about his ex-boyfriend. It also wasn't fair to Adam that every single romantic movie they watched reminded him of said ex-boyfriend.

After the movie had finished and the leftovers were put away, Adam stretched out on the couch, pulling Kurt to him. They started kissing then, chastely, as usual. Soon, their kisses intensified and Adam re-positioned his body so _he_ was on top, which was new to them. Kurt, while surprised, went with it, and enjoyed running his hands up and down Adam's toned back. He didn't think much as Adam moved away from Kurt's lips and started sucking and kissing on his neck.

"God Kurt, you have no idea how sexy you are," Adam murmured in Kurt's ear, nibbling on its lobe.

Kurt sighed, enjoying the feel of Adam's hot breath and warm tongue. Their lips found each other again and Adam hungrily attacked Kurt's mouth. Kurt moaned into the kiss, which only seemed to give Adam the fuel to go farther by pulling Kurt's shirt out of his pants. Kurt hissed when he felt Adam's hands on his stomach, relishing the feel of the cool hands against his hot skin. Kurt felt his body stirring in response, a feeling he last felt in a random hotel room months ago. Encouraged by it, he ran his hands down Adam's back until they were on his ass. Adam moaned loudly at the contact.

"I want you so badly, Kurt," he said hotly. Reaching behind him, he pulled one of Kurt's hands off his ass and pressed it against his cock. "Do you feel that? That's all you, baby. You make me so hard."

At the feel of Adam's cock, Kurt froze. This was all starting to become a little bit too much for him, too real. He pulled his hands away and placed them on Adam's chest, gently pushing him back. Adam pulled away from Kurt's neck (god, he was going to have to wear a scarf tomorrow, wasn't he?) and looked at him with confusion all over his face. "What's wrong?"

Kurt pushed Adam away until he was no longer under him. He knew his hair was a mess and his cheeks were flushed, and he wanted more than anything for Santana and Rachel to come home so he didn't have to deal with Adam's disappointment.

"I need to take a moment," Kurt replied weakily. "It was becoming a little too intense for me."

Adam shook his head in confusion, his eyebrows narrowing. "I thought you were okay with what we were doing?"

"I am -I was," Kurt said. "But I'm just not ready -ready for _that_." He gestured weakily to Adam's crotch, which was displaying a very pronouced bulge.

"I don't understand," Adam said defensively. "We've been this," he gestured between the two of them, "for several months. I'm beyond ready for the next step and, quite frankly, I thought you were too."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not," he said softly, clearly seeing the flash of disappointment that was on Adam's face. "I really enjoy what we have, Adam, and I really, _really_, like kissing you. But I don't have a lot of experience and I need to take it slow."

Adam scrutinized him for what seemed like an eternity before asking, "when do you think you will be ready?"

"I don't know," Kurt whispered in response.

"It's because of him, isn't it?" Adam asked quietly. "You're still not over him."

"Adam," Kurt started, leaning across the couch to grab Adam's hands. "I've been honest with you about my feelings-"

"Actually, Kurt, you haven't," Adam interrupted, pulling his hands out from under Kurt's. "I asked you, back after the Moulin Rouge incident, if you were still in love with Blaine and you never said anything."

"I don't know what you want me to say!" Kurt exclaimed, pushing himself off the couch. "He's my first love, the man I planned to marry. That's not something one can easily get over, but I'm trying!"

Adam smiled sadly. "I don't think you really are. Trying, that is." He stood up and placed a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "I had thought by now you'd at least be willing to open your heart to someone else. That hasn't happened, and I'm starting to think it never will."

Kurt's eyes welled with tears and he put his hand up to his eyes, embarrassed at his emotions.

"Hey, _hey,_" Adam said gently. "Look at me." He tugged Kurt's hand away from his face and gently placed his finger under Kurt's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "There is still something there between the two of you. If you can't be honest with me, at least be honest with yourself." He leaned forward and gently kissed Kurt's lips. He pulled away from Kurt, smiling gently at him before reaching around Kurt to grab his things. Kurt watched him, not knowing what to say.

"I hope we can still be friends," Adam said sadly. "I really do enjoy being with you."

Kurt lunged into Adam's arms, clutching him tightly. "Me too," he whispered into Adam's ear.

Adam pulled away and walked towards the loft door, Kurt trailing behind. Adam opened the door but hesitated before walking out. He turned around to face Kurt again and flashed him a beautiful smile. "I hope things work out for you, Kurt. I really do."

Wrapping his arms around himself, Kurt nodded slowly. "I do too."

Adam walked away then and Kurt gently closed the loft door. He stood in the empty space, gathering his bearings. The television was still on, now showing the DVD's main menu. He turned the TV off and placed the cushions that had fallen back on the couch. He sat down, staring at the blank screen, trying to sort out his thoughts. His heart was _screaming_ at him to pick up the phone and call Blaine, but his head was playing devil's advocate, telling him that no good would come from him talking to Blaine right now. He couldn't believe what Adam had done -how he walked away like that. It only reiterated what a good guy Adam was and how stupid he was for not allowing himself the chance to open his heart to him.

But Adam was right: he still loved Blaine. He would always love Blaine. What they had wasn't some silly high school love; it was real, raw, passionate. Kurt had never believed in soul-mates until he met Blaine, but he knew, without a single doubt, he and Blaine were meant to be together. Even at the worst of their break-up, Kurt couldn't fathom his life without Blaine in it. Whenever he pictured his very first Broadway show, he saw Blaine greeting him afterwards, with a large bouquet of flowers. Whenever he imagined his first successful clothing line, it was Blaine that would be standing there with him. When he pictured receiving his Tony, the first person he knew he would thank would be Blaine. When he fantasized about his wedding, the groom waiting for him at the end of the aisle was Blaine. It was _always_ Blaine.

He knew he couldn't call Blaine right now. He wasn't sure what he'd say or do, but he picked up the phone anyways and sent out a quick text, clutching the pillow to his chest after he hit send. His phone went off several moments later, and upon reading it, Kurt smiled into the pillow.

Kurt: _Wait for me?_

Blaine: _Always._


End file.
